Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Censu(ckmyballs)s Bureau

So I was employed for a time with the United States Census Bureau. To gank this ball o' fun of a work experience, I had to take an aptitude test way back in January. This test consisted of very difficult questions such as, "What is the fastest route from house A to house B? or...What is 74+38?

Somehow, I managed to give that WHOPPER of a test a run for its money by getting 24/25 correct. Don't ask what I got wrong, they wouldn't tell me (although I'm pretty sure it was the question about the Cheers' theme song...)

So I get the job, and of course the government is sketchy about when I will start working, who I report to and how much I will be getting paid. I find out I have to come back for a day of training ("Did I say Monday? I meant Wednesday" -government sock) which then becomes a day and three days, which is later extended to a day and a week.

I skip a week of school, la-de-da, does wonders for my grades as you could guess. I sit through this boring-ass training which was 4 times longer than it needed to be, as everyone else hired was about 44 years my senior and didn't know a cell phone from a car battery. Thank god I got paid for that (13.50 an hour, CHA-CHING)

So I get to the last day of training and let me supervisor know that I won't be able to start the real work until I get back from school about a month later. He then proceeds to stare at me dumbfounded and ask why I didn't mention that earlier. However, I had, just not to him. Later that night I get a call from him, saying WE ARE FIRING YOUR ASS BITCH, THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO STAY IN SCHOOL!

And by that I mean he said, "We're going to have to let you go because of your time conflicts." So I smile and thank him for his time, hang up and then furiously dial HIS supervisor and proceed to lay down the verbal hurt. In summary, I said, "Oh HAEL NO! I did not take off a week of school for this shit to come back and get fired! Gimme my job back BITCH"

To which he was like, "Oh my goodness I'm so sorry, of course you can have your job back and I'm going to blatantly go out of my way to tell you what an excellent job you've been doing so I can cover my ass from making a stupid mistake in letting someone fire you!"

Alright, so the power dynamics may be a little skewed there but the end result was about the same; I did get my job back.

Of course, I start work when I get back from school, expecting it to last for about a month, giving me a pretty penny (*cough, $2,500 cough). And what happens? All those old people frickin' work their asses off while I'm at school so that the job gets finished 3 weeks early!

Oh well, I guess old people need their meds more than I need to roadtrip to California...

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